


Go Ahead And Break My Heart

by nothinglasts222



Category: Adam Levine (Musician), Blake Shelton (Musician), Shevine - Fandom, The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Anger, Angst, Engagement, F/M, Fanfiction, Heartbreak, Jealousy, M/M, OTP Feels, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:07:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothinglasts222/pseuds/nothinglasts222
Summary: All he ever wanted was to be a significant part of Blake Shelton’s life and all he got was a broken heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I got this inspiration and ran with it, writing most of it in one night. It's highly dramatized because, well, let's just say that it has some personal undertones. It'll probably make you sad but I hope you enjoy it.

Adam broke when he got the news.

It started out easy and carefree. He watched them meet, get to know each other, start spending more time together. Blake kept him close during all of it, kept him up to date on the latest establishment and it made Adam feel good, like he was in on a secret that the rest of the world wasn't lucky enough to know about. Then they went public and everything changed. Articles started popping up on every news site, their photo was on the cover of every popular magazine. They tweeted each other things that Adam was sure needed to be kept in the privacy of a text message. Adam couldn't get away from it. But he stuck by Blake and his decisions, tried to be a good friend, was even happy for them more times than he cared to admit. Things settled down after a while. The world got used it. Adam got used to it. And then the ultimate slap in the face hit just when he thought he could live with the cruel fact that they were a real couple. It began wreaking havoc on him as soon as he laid eyes on the headline. His throat tightened, his heart sank in his chest, his mind began racing with anger and jealously and confusion and the possibilities of what he did wrong and what he did to deserve such a backstabbing chain of events despite burning with the fact that everything he ever imagined between him and Blake existed only his head. His best friend was marrying the woman of his dreams and there was not a damn thing he could do about it.

He grabs the magazine off the rack and goes to stand in the nearest checkout line. The couple in front of him are taking too long. He glares a hole into the back of the man's head while he argues with the woman and the girl behind the counter waits nervously for them to pay for their items and get the hell out. When it's finally his turn he shows her the magazine, slaps a five down, and walks out.

On the drive to Blake's house he plays the words he'd say over and over again in his head until he is no longer angry at them but satisfied in his confidence that he knows them so well. He would shove the stupid magazine in Blake's face and demand legitimate reasoning from the bastard cowboy as to why he would decide to commit to something so foolish and not even think to consult Adam.

At a stoplight not even a mile from Blake, Adam feels sense start to creep in. He stares at the red light and tries to push it away but with each passing second it wins the battle. He throws on his blinker and makes a right and then another right and gets back on the highway, heading home.

***

Not one phone call. Not one text. Not a _damn thing_ except for the few words on the front of the goddamn magazine.

Adam stares at it as it lays on the coffee table in front of him. He's reclined on the sofa, sipping a steaming hot coffee, keeping his dogs in the corner of his eye as they play in the backyard. Over and over again, he reads the words and feels their wrath as they wrap around his mind— _Blake Shelton To Marry Gwen Stefani_.

There's only a short article inside, but to Adam it might as well be written all over the cover and on every single page. It's amazing how much impact those six words have on him. They draw his eyes like a magnet, so that he stares at them until they no longer make sense yet they're the most real, raw words he's ever seen in his life.

He wonders how long Blake has been planning this. Did he know he was going to propose to her when he talked to Adam last month about possibly coming to Oklahoma for the holidays? Or when they swapped dirty inside jokes as Adam leaned over Blake's red chair at the show's finale? Thoughts of them having a big wedding with Blake's ten thousand relatives on the ranch that they would soon share and honeymooning on some beach in Mexico and having a dozen kids flood Adam's mind and soon he's drowning in his own despair because all he ever wanted was to be a significant part of Blake Shelton's life and all he got was a broken heart.

A shiver runs down his spine and he can barely hold the mug to his lips for his hands shaking. The words on the magazine cover become an indecipherable blur as hot tears sting his eyes and eventually slide down his cheeks.

***

Three days later and still nothing. Adam feels numb as he goes about his daily life, like he's going through the motions because he knows the routine all too well but he doesn't feel anything while doing it. A dozen unanswered texts, none from Blake, sit patiently awaiting his attention but he doesn't have the energy to look at them. He's losing the energy to perform simple tasks, like shower or shave. He wakes up, lets the dogs outs, eats if he feels like it, wanders from room to room, then goes back to sleep. He's living a nightmare that he never imagined was possible, even in the deep dark depths of a human mind. He doesn't dream at night, so he's forced to live it during the day.

A week after his world shattered and still no word from Blake, he sucks up his misery and drags himself to his car, forces himself to start it, put his foot on the gas and keep it there until he reaches Blake's house. He knows the gate combination by heart so he lets himself in, relief washing over him when he sees Blake's lonely truck sitting in the driveway.

They usually text each other first if they plan on coming over, but this time Adam wants to march up to the door, ring the doorbell, and watch shock take over Blake's face as he's met with what he's so pointedly been avoiding for the past six days. Tear-stained cheeks and dark eye circles are sure to complete the sympathy image.

It goes exactly as planned, Blake's jaw all but hits the floor under his feet as he looks Adam up and down before settling on his face. Adam tries his best to appear tough and shit-ridden but he's biting his tongue to help hold back the waterworks.

"Adam," Blake finally breathes out, "Uh, come in."

He steps aside and Adam walks by him. He waits and follows Blake into the living room, where Blake offers him something to drink and Adam refuses.

"I wasn't expecting to see you," Blake says, rubbing his hands together. He's nervous, stalling, the son-of-a-bitch. "You look...tired. Good, but tired."

Adam glares at him.

"But it's good that you're here now. We need'a talk."

Adam cocks his head. "You think?"

"Adam, before you say anything, let me explain. Please."

Something inside of Adam snaps hard. "Why the _fuck_ didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," Blake answers, too calmly, and that ticks Adam off even more.

" _I don't know_!" Adam blurts in a hideous impersonation. "How do you not fucking know?"

"I was waitin' for the right time. I didn't think you'd take it this hard."

Adam clenches his teeth. "I had to read it all over the Internet and on every single cover of every single shitty magazine! You don't think that the one person who you tell everything else to didn't deserve to know about this before the rest of the world found out? And you didn't think I'd take it this hard."

"I told you, it wasn't the right—"

"Don't give me that bullshit!" Adam screams. The thickness in the room dissipates, a cold silence takes its place and Adam is staring at Blake while Blake stares at the floor. Adam tears his eyes away and chokes back a sob.

Blake suddenly looks up and Adam knows he's watching him now, but he can't bring his eyes to meet those crazy blue ones. In three steps Blake is right in front of him, wrapping his strong arms around his back, pulling him into his chest, and as hard as Adam tries not to he loses it. He buries his wet face in Blake's shirt and sobs uncontrollably.

After a minute Blake pulls away, lets Adam go and Adam wipes his face across his shirt sleeves, takes a deep breath and tries to make it all stop. He doesn't dare look at Blake, who's probably thinking he's the biggest baby on planet earth and not regretting his decision not to tell him about the engagement one fucking bit.

"Adam, what is this about?" Blake asks softly, and the tone comforts Adam, even if just a little bit.

He wipes at his nose and swallows the lump in his throat. "Nothing. I just...nothing."

Blake sighs. "You're right. I should've told you first. I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot."

Adam just yelled at Blake in his own house and stained his shirt with his stupid feelings and Blake is the one apologizing. _He_ feels like an idiot.

"It was nothin' personal. I swear, Adam, I do. I thought about tellin' you first but I guess...hell I dunno, it all happened so fast, one day we were havin' drinks at the bar downtown and the next we were engaged and honestly I was worried about what you'd think. You know, like if you thought we'd be good together."

And now Blake is fishing for his unworthy opinion, his fucking approval, and Adam might as well set himself on fire now and take away all of their problems.

Blake's voice is strained with concern.  
"Are you okay? You obviously took it pretty hard."

He is completely, one hundred percent nowhere near okay. He came over here thinking hell knows what, that he could somehow win Blake over but all he ended up doing was ruining everything they've ever had and anything they could have in the future.

"How...why did you...how...I..." Adam stammers, a million things he wants to say but without the words to say them.

Blake places a hand on his arm. "Tell me. Whatever it is you wanna say. I'm listenin'."

"I—I have to go," Adam says, because he can't take it anymore. He bolts for the door, forgetting his keys on Blake's kitchen counter so he jogs past his car, down the long driveway and out into the quiet street. He finally slows to a walk, and he walks until he feels numb again, because as much as he hated the time spent in a trance anything's better than what he's feeling right now. He doesn't hear Blake call out his name, doesn't see headlights behind him, following him, Blake stepping out of his truck to pick him up and take him back to his place and tell him everything's going to be alright. Because everything is not going to be alright, Blake isn't coming after him, and he didn't try to stop him because there's no reason on this goddamn earth why he should have.

***

He calls Jesse to give him a ride home. When his friend takes one look at him and asks what happened, Adam tells him it's a long story, that he'd left his car at Blake's place and didn't want to go back. When Jesse asks if this has anything to do with the engagement news, Adam mutters a quick _no_.

Back at home he strips off his clothes and lays face up on his bed. He highly considers deleting all social media because he can't get away from Gwen and Blake's faces plastered everywhere he looks. Instead he checks his text messages, finally answers some that tread in safe waters and is left with five from Blake, all sounding worried, apologetic, yet none angry. Adam almost hates it, Blake should be mad at him but he's not and Adam deletes every single one without a second thought.

A new one comes through just as he's ready to turn off his phone.

_But we are getting married, that's the truth, and I'm sorry_

Adam didn't read the other messages to know how this one fits in but it still stings all the same because these are the only words that really matter. _They're getting married, no matter what_.

Adam's used to getting anything he wants in life, it only comes with the hit TV show/rockstar persona. But never has he ever wasted his time over not getting something; except Blake, because Blake is different. Blake is something, some _one_ , he never knew he wanted.

They spent a lot of time together, so naturally they became close. They joked, laughed, cussed, swapped stories, drank beer. He was happiest around Blake and the joy that the other man possessed radiated, and Adam always just happened to be so close that he burned up with it. Sure, Blake had other friends from his southern roots but Adam knew he was special to the country singer, could feel it in every fiber of his being even if reason tried to tell him otherwise. When Blake would touch him, in front of millions of people on live television, Adam felt like the luckiest man in the world, because Blake never did those things with anyone but him. He came to need Blake's affection. He _craved_ it. He knew without a doubt that Blake had feelings for him, and that one day, when he felt it was safe to let his guard down, break the mold of the stereotypical country artist, he would come for Adam, and he would be all Blake's and Blake's all his and that possibility has sat right in front of them since the day they met yet all it really ever did was linger there, untouched, until it completely vanished. And it took Adam this long to realize it.

Blake Shelton doesn't have feelings for Adam, never did, never will. He has them for _her_.

Adam gets up, goes to his closet to pull on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. As he stands there, the last bit of reality sinking in deep, he has to will himself not to let his heart fall apart completely, because if and when it does, he doesn't know that he'll have the strength to pick it up and piece it back together again.

***

The doorbell rings around suppertime the next day. Adam gets up from in front of the TV to answer it and it's Blake, standing with one hand in his pocket and the other holding out a set of keys.

"You brought my car back?" Adam asks, and it's a stupid question but he doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah," Blake answers, and he holds out the keys for Adam to take. "It's sittin' where you like it."

Adam looks at the keys in his palm. "How are you getting home?"

Blake steps sideways and reveals Gwen, standing a few feet back. She smiles softly when Adam looks at her.

"Oh," Adam says, rubs his fingers across his brow. "Yeah, I—I wasn't thinking."

Blake faces Adam again and leans in closer. "Could I come in? Just for a minute?"

Adam's eyes dart from Blake's face to Gwen. "I don't think that's such a good idea, right now." The truth is that he's terrified, Blake's face inches from his own, Gwen standing right out of the corner of his eye. He's not ready for this, seeing the two of them in person, knowing the information he now knows. Blake probably told her all about his little pissy fit by now and that's enough to make him want to hide in shame.

It's all too much, and he feels ready to burst.

"Okay," Blake says, "That's fine. Call me sometime, if you want." And in his voice Adam can tell that he feels sorry for him, the sad, pathetic, nervous wreck of a mess he is.

Blake turns to leave, then turns back. "Take care of yourself," he says. Then he places his hand on Gwen's back as he ushers her to his truck. Adam wants to call out to him, tell him that he's the reason he's like this, tell him to get his ass back over here so he can beat it to a pulp then tell him what he's been wanting to tell him for years and beg at his feet for him to change his mind. His head starts swimming as Blake opens the door for her, he clings to the doorframe to keep himself from collapsing. Then Blake climbs into the driver's seat and pulls away. Adam stares at the spot Blake's truck was in for a while longer before going back inside.

***

The funniest part about all of this (if you could really call any of it funny) is that none of it matters. It doesn't matter that Adam is wasting his life away, drowning in spite, envy, and grief. It doesn't matter that he's a fucking wreck and Blake doesn't even care, he's living his perfect happy life the way it was supposed to be lived and for all Adam knows they're on separate planets now, Adam versus Blake and Gwen and the rest of the world. He's so far gone that the text he receives from Blake asking him to be his best man doesn't even register until a good five minutes after he reads it. It's just icing on the cake—Adam standing right next to Blake, all dressed up, smelling his rich cologne, seeing his warm, light-up-a-room smile, and knowing that none of it is for him or has anything to do with him. It's the most selfish thinking Adam has ever done.

He writes back to Blake saying he'll think about it, keeps it short yet polite. If he weren't so upset he'd be honored to be standing by his best friend's side.

Blake responds almost instantly, thanking him, apologizing again for anything he might have done wrong, and urging Adam to open up to him.

For the first time since all of this started Adam finds himself questioning whether he should tell Blake the truth. Just come right out and tell him that yeah, he's in love with him and yeah, he thought they'd be the ones to get married one day. He decides against spilling the entire pot, it's too much at the wrong time but he thinks he can still get the message across as to why he's so upset without scaring Blake shitless.

Blake deserves to know.

He mans up and makes the drive over to Blake's place, knowing this is something too important for a phone call or a text. Thankfully Blake is home and he's alone. Adam texts him saying to meet him outside; he doesn't think he can stand going in that house, not yet, and the cool air will aid in fighting his urge to throw up.

Blake comes walking out of the house a couple minutes later, looking strikingly handsome in dark wash jeans and a brown plaid shirt. Boots as always. He spots Adam and makes his way over, and Adam uses all of the time to get his nerves under control and formulate coherent sentences in his head.

"Hey," Blake greets in his deep drawl. The voice that's always drove Adam absolutely crazy.

He chokes back a lump in his throat. "Hey."

"Thought for sure you'd say yes to bein' best man," Blake says, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Cue the ridiculous amount of guilt. "I don't know if I'd be the best person for it."

"'Course you would, man. I've known you for what, five years? I can't think of anyone I'd rather have with me up there."

Blake's acting like nothing ever happened. He sounds completely genuine, and Adam smiles a little. "Thanks. But um, that's not what I came here to talk about." He looks at Blake, who's got his head cocked to one side slightly, waiting. "I, um, I've been acting really shitty the past couple weeks. I didn't handle it well, I took it out on you, and I'm sorry. But it's only because I—I um, I..." He takes a deep breath, "I need to tell you something."

Blake leans against his car. "I'm listenin', buddy."

The words are right there, on the tip of his tongue. His perfectly thought out, well-rationalized thoughts and feelings that he's been holding back forever and now he has the perfect opportunity to get them out and all he has to do is say them, hold his breath, and pray that Blake's reaction is a positive one. He knows that this is his very last chance. If he doesn't tell Blake now, he never will.

But standing here in this moment, looking at Blake's face, into his eyes, all of that suddenly melts away. He doesn't panic and feel the need to run, nor does he become angry. He's over all of that. He doesn't know exactly what he feels, but it's enough to keep him from saying all of the things he wants to say.

He stammers a bit while his train of thought changes. "I just wanted to say that...I'm happy for you guys. You and Gwen. You're gonna make a great couple."

A smile spreads across Blake's face, bringing out his dimples, and he closes the distance between them and takes Adam in a strong hug. Adam hugs him back, how can he not, he cherishes Blake's hugs more than anything, but in this hug is everything left unsaid.

And just like that, his life is once again changed forever.


End file.
